Best weekend. Spent Saturday out with the politician I work for doing street corner meetings, then went to dinner with Luke and our other friend, stayed at Luke’s last night and didn’t get out of bed till 2 in the afternoon today, then made pancakes, watched movies and went to my place for roast dinner cooked by dad. Then just cuddled in my bed for a while. Perfff weekend!

Dear person I hate,
I don’t really hate anyone.

Dear person I like,
 Luke, you’re amazing.

Dear ex boyfriend,
 I really hope I don’t bump into you when I’m in your city next.

Dear ex girlfriend,
 -

Dear ex bestfriend,
 One day I hope you figure out what the heck is wrong with you.

Dear bestfriend,
 I love you and can’t wait for your little bundle of joy to come into the world! xo

Dear *anyone*,
 ‘Ollo.

Dear Santa,
 Can I have a pony?!

Dear mum,
I love you!

Dear dad,
I love you!

Dear future me,
 You better have a nice house and husband and adorable kids.

Dear past me,
 I know it hurts now, but soon enough you’re gonna have something 1000000x better, I promise /hugs.

Dear person I’m jealous of,
 I want your thigh gap.

Dear person I had a crush on,
 -

Dear girlfriend,
- 

Dear boyfriend,
 Luke, you’re perfect and amazeballs and I’m the luckiest girl on the face of the freakin’ earth to be yours! xo

(Source: wishtoconfess)

aweh so tired! Haven’t really been at home since 8am Friday morning, spent 9 hours at Uni, then went to Luke’s uncle’s birthday dinner in the city, went back to mine at 1am to pick up my stuff and sneak out again, slept at Luke’s, went to an emergency Young Labor meeting Saturday morning and then my best friend’s baby shower last night, then back home to see my parents for 5 minutes and pick up pyjamas, went back to Luke’s to sleep, went to the rifle range with him and his dad, then to lunch with them, then back to Luke’s for a nap and finally, after all that I’m home again. So, that’s my excuse for not being on here lately D:

Not trying to sound awful here but I just got a massive urge to call my ex and yell down the phone some hardcore expletives. But I won’t, because I’m not that kind of girl and never will be. But the thought made me giggle.

Finally on holidays, so happy. New job, so happy. Can tell the job I’m leaving to shove it, so happy. Spending the long weekend with my boyfriend at a fancy country club with a free bottle of wine upon arrival and a spa in our room, so happy. No more uni work due till next month, so happy. Pay day today, so happy. Have time to read the books I want to read now, so happy. Sleep in’s for 2 weeks, so happy. Poppa’s cancer isn’t getting any bigger and he’s “cruising along,” so happy. Everything is gooooood :3

Oh dear god I am tired. The last week has been hell, but gotten progressively better day by day. Too much uni work, too much heartbreak for my best friend and family, too much stress in other parts of my life. It’s officially winter tomorrow, does this mean I can go into hibernation? Mmm, hibernation, what a glorious thought. Just hoping tomorrow works out the way we’ve planned. Would kill for just a night tucked up in Mat’s arms and waking up next to him in the morning. If I could have that tomorrow night, I think I could make it through the rest of the week and the insane amount of uni work I have. I unblocked Ricky from Facebook today. I have no intention on adding him as a friend again. I just did it to prove to myself that I’m okay now after the crazy amount of damage he did. I need a shower and sleep. Early morning tomorrow and a presentation to do. Shit. Please, please tomorrow, I beg of you, please work out the way we’ve planned. Bed, put some poetry read by Hiddles on so his soothing voice can lull me to sleep. He really does have a sexy voice. And face. And everything. Oh dear, I’m fangirling again. That’s cue for me to go. Ciao.

only one more night alone in my lonely bed and then to spend my first night at Mat’s. That’s like… a big thing for me, since I’m meeting his parents Sunday too… I’m so old fashioned, but this kinda stuff is important to me. Ah, it’s just going to be nice to be 40 minutes away from Adelaide for more than 24 hours. No work. No uni. Don’t have to think about anything. Just him. How lovely.

• ‘My other bag is Chanel’ handbag
• Adelaide Crows guernsey
• For Our Hero Strange Days shirt
• another pair of Bardot jeans
• wireless Apple mouse
• new underwear

This is going to make me sound very superficial (which I’m not) but there are a few things I want to change about myself. Not because I’m not happy with how I look, but just for the sake of something new.

• hair: I’ve had black hair for 5 years now and I’m so sick of it. I look like Snow White with my vampire-white skin and black hair. I’m thinking Ombre hair, I love the look and I think it’ll suit me. Money isn’t a problem so I’ll have it done properly but it’s just how well my hair can handle it, especially my ends. 
• eyebrows: since giving up modelling (or the thought of it for a while) I don’t see the need for me to have crazy-bushy eyebrows anymore. It makes my face look too closed off and my eyes look squinty. Keen to go get them waxed and skinny again.
• body: I’m a rake anyway but compared to this time last year, so unfit. Tomorrow, I’m going back to the gym and start to regain my fitness so I’m not scared of wearing just underwear in front of my partner…

Just even writing about this is therapeutic. Ah, the joys of expressing things over the net to complete strangers…

P.S: I love you, followers.

I well and truly went off the rails when Ricky left, but I think now that I’ve moved on, I have to stop living the lifestyle of a girl with a severely broken heart.

The biggest change is my motivation (which came back naturally). Instead of dreading uni work, I enjoy it. I see my friends now, made new ones even. My confidence is coming back finally and I don’t feel like I was the problem, or I did anything wrong, or I wasn’t good enough. What happened wasn’t my fault. 

I’m going back to the gym. I stopped when I had to save money to move over to Melbourne but I’m staying in Adelaide obviously. But I actually WANT to go to the gym, it doesn’t seem like such a chore now. I was so fit last year, and now. Well, I’m just not now. My new boyfriend (who is my gentle giant with a heart of gold) works at a Foot Locker and got me some super fancy new hot pink joggers to give me even more motivation to go back. It’s working.

I wanna make the effort for him. I don’t wanna let my ghastly past experiences with men effect my new relationship. He is wonderful and so good for me, and he deserves a happy, healthy Elyse. Not the one passed out on the couch on Australia Day because I was scared if I moved, my heart would break more. I’m making these changes mainly for me, but for him too.

Along with the gym, I have to start eating proper food and proper meals at proper times. But at uni, it’s so easy to just live off coffee and McDonald’s, it’s more convenient. No, not anymore. If I wanna stop waking up feeling like sh*t, I have to make effort, especially with my nutrition.

So, that’s my plan.

My new man Mat (second from left) and I (third from left) + friends.